"For me, writing [was] a question of survival...I could not trust anyone, even my family. The atmosphere was so poisoned. People even in your own family could turn you in." - Gao Xingjian, refering to writing during the Cultural Revolution of Mao Tse-Tung

When I came across the quote I've used for the title, it drew me in. In my work I encounter alot of writers - some like to talk about it, and some don't. There are those who come and go quietly, those who love to talk about every detail, and those who choose to talk selectively about their writing - I'm one of them. I'm one of those people who loves to refer others to resources, writing contests and so on, but that's just me.The ball drops when it comes to the contents of my writing, I've grown quiet there. But it hasn't always been this way.

Writing is a journey, and the words are what we see on the way. When I was younger, I would write, then show - rather than talking about it at all. Then, as I grew, I met other people who wrote, and we often talked about our characters, and their situations - and the problems we were having writing those out, and displaying everything externally. I had alot of those friends then. But now, as I sit here, I find I've grown again. I still have those go-to people that I consult when I've thrown my main character off a train and he just won't die. But more often then not, I work until I'm content, then I show and talk. I often have no qualms talking to people about the type of writing that interests me, the pieces I'm working on - though, I'm horrible at summarizing (and, in fact, I often discourage myself from doing so) - the resources I use, and the progress I'm making. But I talk very little when it comes to the words I'm putting down, the scenes I'm working on, and the plot of many of my stories. Even Keys, for that matter.

And so, when I was asked to do an interview with my Dreaming In Ink critique group a couple weeks ago, I pretty much fumbled through it.You can find the interview here, and even there I've professed my quiet method and lack of summarizing skills. Really, it's kind of obvious though.

And the link, to this totally awesome picture, is here.

"When you take stuff from one writer, it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research." - William Mizner

Haha, that quote is really cute.

As the title indicates today's focus is research. Starting with The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz. It's an amazing read! It talks about some peculiar cases experienced by Dr. Bruce Perry in his work as a child psychiatrist.When I first found the book I spent several hours in the store reading it only to leave it on the shelf. So yesterday I managed to make it to the store before it closed to grab it. It's a great read, especially for anyone interested in child psychology or psychological development in general. I am really enjoying it, and have to keep telling myself NOT to highlight the pages!

I also have some outlining and planning to do for Dalliance - which is finished but needs some character development. So today will be a great opportunity to take care of that.

"What is needed is, in the end, simply this: solitude, great inner solitude. Going into yourself and meeting no one for hours on end--that is what you must be able to attain." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Yesterday I was feeling rather uninspired. Some of this was frustration, another part of that was not being able to find peace with myself. I often feel this way when I haven't written, so I took some time to and sat down with my Starbucks to watch those around me. There is something about watching people work that I find contagious, it motivates me. So, today it is in that spirit that I return to my online to-do list, with a hope to get some things done.

to do - January 17 2010
1 - Keys: I'm in an area now that I haven't drafted out, so today I'm going to do some of that in long hand then hopefully before my engagement tonight I can get it typed. It's a challenging chapter, so today I intend to give it my full focus.
2 - Dalliance: I love this short, I really do. But it needs work, I think a plot is acheieved without adding all of the other possibilities in (it's just much more of a character driven story). So maybe today I'll find solace in that and finally finish it. I've got plans for this story, but only once it's done.

"I get up in the morning, torture a typewriter until it screams, then stop." - Clarence Budington Kelland

Good morning! (Isn't that a lovely quote to start us all off?)

Today I'm going to set up and work on the next chapter in Keys. I`ve already got a nice chunk of the work done for it, and only really have to concern myself with the transition out of the backstory. And hopefully, by tonight, I can change my focus to the drafting for the next chapter but I doubt I'll get that far.This chapter is far longer than the previous one and I haven't finished drafting it. So, by noon I should have a better idea of how it's going.

In other news:
- I still regret deleting Dalliance and should go back to work on it sometime in the coming week.
- I'm reading Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden and loving it.
- I've purchased some really awesome (and cheap) books in the last week:
1 - The Journals of Susanna Moodie by Margaret Atwood and Charles Pachter, and
2 - The Journals of Joyce Carole Oates 1973-1982

And now, back to work!

"The author must keep his mouth shut when his work starts to speak." - Frederich Nietzsche

More and more that quote is becoming truth for me. 

I've also found that lately I don't like people to know what I'm working on. Well, not you blog. Never you. But real people, haha. People who come up to me at work and tell me about their writing, their aspirations and goals. I like to talk about writing, I don't mind people knowing I write. But it's the content of such scribbles that I keep hidden.

Example: Today I was drafting in longhand for the second chapter of Keys (yes, I'm finally there - believe me, it's taken forever to reach this point) and saw an acquaintance of mine that I know through writing, and this is where I've very shy. Rather than smiling, saying hello and sparking a conversation I quietly took my seat and dove into my own work. It's almost my little secret... outed on the interwebs! Haha.

I don't know, I've just taken this as a sign of dedication. I'll show my work when I'm ready, in the mean time, it's mine, and so, when I'm feeling the urge to write I must sit down and block everyone else out like I did this morning. She wasn't there, in fact neither was the rest of the cafe. It was just me and my pen. Sure, my music (which has taken an acoustic turn) is on, but otherwise, nothing else can exist. It's me and Frank, though Frank doesn't know I'm there watching him and reading his mind...

It's kind of an odd paradox, especially when I'm writing from the doctor's point of view.

"I have been successful probably because I have always realized that I knew nothing about writing and have merely tried to tell an interesting story entertainingly." - Edgar Rice Burroughs

It seems to be the case that on the days I have nothing to do I am able to wake up at five and start writing, and on the days that I have to be somewhere, or do something, I'm barely able to drag myself out of bed. Haha. Well, I can see the logic there, but the rest of my household has issues with it.

One of the things I've spent my free time working on this week has been the plot for Keys. I forced myself to sit down, and go through it - something I've been avoiding. And, it actually did alot for me. I was able to restructure the first draft, see where the story went wrong, and where it worked well, I raised the stakes a little and fitted old characters into new places. Overall, I'm so inspired by my own progress that I've been putting off writing until I have time to sit, and focus on it. I want to produce a whole draft in one sitting - wouldn't that be nice? Eighty-five thousand words at once, and all of them coherent, perfectly chosen and well matched? Oh, that would be heaven. But then I suppose writers would no longer be considered starving artists... Shame.

So yes, I'm alotting myself time to sit and work on a full chapter - type it out, revise, re-read, and be happy with it. I've planned out the scenes for the first section and am actually really happy I did. Some days, and only by longhand, I'll jump ahead and work on a scene I have in my head just to get the juices flowing. It seems to keep me entertained.

"...it will not always happen that the success of a poet is proportionate to his labor. " - Samuel Johnson

Yesterday, I met a man. He greeted me with a broad smile. "I'm an author," he said, that smile growing ever wider. "Congratulations!" I exclaimed, and the two of us had a very good conversation. For eight years he's been working towards publication, and his novel, the unnamed, unreleased, mysterious mass of words, is the first one he ever wrote. Like most first time authors, he's not rich, he still works a second job, but he is happy and that's what makes all the difference.

I walked away from that conversation feeling pretty good. Only eight years of serious, sit-down, have-dreams-and-goals-writing, so I have what? Six more to go? Haha.

Asking him if it was the first novel he'd ever written, was something that I found oddly important to me. Keys is my first full seriousness, full length novel. (I've written several novella's in the past - Fire in the Ashes is the only one still in existence, and co-incidentally, still sitting in my closet dreaming of the day it's youthful, sans vampire plot will be something I desire to edit.)

But like many other aspiring novelists, I have high hopes for Keys, and think I understand the challenges. I want to overcome those. I want to see something happen to Keys, something more than a million revisions, a nice binder and a comfy spot on the shelf of sweaters I don't wear anymore.

It is with this passion that I must remember to carry on. And so, my turtle friend, where are you?

Affirmation: It's about doing the work, and believing in yourself enough to do it well.